i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
