he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He has the fingertips of a God
Come on in and take your pants off
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