i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
