Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
