Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
