FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
