my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
