There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
