She announced her abortion via fbk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
