The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
