I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
