So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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