Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
