I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
