You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
