That's intense
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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