Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
