no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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