remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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