OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
