i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
