It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
