Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
