everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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