Taylor Swift is so right about you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
