I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
