i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
