I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
