My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
