Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
