P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
NoShamevember. You game?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
