Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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