So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
