Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
