i think i have two assholes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
