If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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