The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
