I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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