I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
