Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
