I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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