final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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