it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
