I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
