Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
