so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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