The maid of honor just puked.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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