hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
