I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
