Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
