I take back everything I said about communal showers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
