i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
